Suddenly..

God is amazing! I am just absolutely baffled by the way He works sometimes!

Paul was away Thursday through Saturday at Skate Conference, and I had Friday night free, so I invited some ladies over for dinner and some chick flicks. God had other plans!

I'd finished making dinner and sat down to eat with Andrea and Makaila. I got maybe two bites and felt that I needed to be really transparent with them. I just told them how I felt so out of place, and that I didn't fit in. I told them how I just couldn't relax and just be myself. Instantly Andrea started asking me more in depth questions, as to why I felt this way, and basically just pouring truth over me. The whole time I'm just sobbing. God had spoken to me earlier in the day, an old work friend killed himself a few days ago, and I was just thanking God that all the times I'd wanted to kill myself and by the grace of God I didn't. He told me that although I didn't kill myself I also didn't want to live, so I've been in this sort of limbo between the two. WOW powerful.

So back to dinner...Andrea is speaking truth into me and not letting me hide behind my fascade. She's telling me she's been in the same place, but that I can overcome it. The whole time her hand is shaking and she finally looks at me and says, "I can get you drunk RIGHT NOW, do you want to be drunk?" I say yes, and she comes to where I am sitting at the dinner table and starts praying for me and the Spirit is just overwhelming me. Eventually we had to just move to the floor.

For the next four hours I was prayed for intensely, and God really pulled a lot off of me and just filled me with His joy and His truth. It's like the identity that God's been telling me He's bringing to me was downloaded in a large chunk. At some point and time we were joined by Hayley, and it just began this huge spiral of prayer, with Makaila and I at the center of the receiving. It was absolutely incredible, and clearly a divine appointment!

I've struggled a bit with not worrying, but God's defining the grey areas of worry for me, and really just ridding me of the oppression I've been under. I know identity is true now. There may be a few strands of my old identity holding on, but I trust that those will soon be gone too!

God also spoke to me that I've been wearing the wrong armor. Much like when David wore Saul's armor. He couldn't move in it, couldn't fight in it, couldn't do anything in it. But once he took off the ill-fitted armor and put on the name of the Lord he could strike down any giant. I think this goes hand in hand with walking in the wrong identity!

WOW...I think this has been one of God's "suddenly"'s!